Sunday 29th December 2024

Hello and happy Sunday!

I hope that you had a good break over the holiday season - if you celebrate this. I am sure we will soon be seeing many posts about the new year and any resolutions we might be wanting to make. It is part of the tradition of this time of year isn't it? To start thinking about fresh starts and repairing any bodily damage that may have been done by too much chocolate and alcohol! Or setting big goals for the year, etc etc.

Resolutions

I used to be ambivalent about resolutions, and never really sure if I should do them or not. Now I accept them as a general tradition, but not something I personally have to carry out in the same way. Like Christmas traditions, we all have our variations on a theme. 

Do you write resolutions? 

I have a set of main goals that I want to work towards, and I do a weekly check-in for these each week when I carry out my weekly process journaling session.

One of the reasons I do things this way is because when I carry out that weekly check-in, I also make it a mindfulness practice of writing out how I feel and what I am thinking in that moment. I 'meditate' through writing because this is my way of letting thoughts and feelings come and go and objectifying them by getting them out onto paper. It's not the only way to meditate, but it is the way I prefer to meditate.

I also like to use this practice to see how I feel about things that have happened over the week, and especially to see the patterns I may be caught in. For example, ruminating (dwelling) on something and being caught in a cycle of dwelling and procrastinating, rather than taking action.

Are NY Resolutions for the past?

All of this is to say that I find a weekly check-in to be a helpful mindfulness practice that sets me up for the week to come. If I only did this once a year, I don't think I would find that very helpful as a practice. Setting a yearly resolution seems too disconnected from my day to day intentions and feelings. But I do see how they are valuable as ways to redirect us from things we regret.

In that sense, they could work to help us stop dwelling on something that we feel stuck on, and move us towards what we would like to have done differently. From that place perhaps we could set an intention to work towards doing or thinking differently so as not to make the same mistake again. 

Regret is not a 'bad' feeling

Regret and Guilt are not bad emotions. They have been labelled as 'negative', but they are normal to feel, not abnormal. We don't want to feel them, they don't feel good when we have those feelings, but this doesn't make them 'bad'. They are normal emotions that are there to guide us towards behaviours that help us build connections with others, and that move us towards what we value and away from what we wish we had not done. You can't know what you wish you hadn't done without feeling these emotions. If we didn't have them we would be mindlessly doing all sorts of things wrong when it comes to socialising and nurturing relationships, including the relationship we have with ourselves. 

Emotions like these can become negative when we feel regret or guilt and then start to pile other experiences, thoughts and feelings on top. Then the emotion can feel overwhelming. If we accept the discreet emotion of regret or guilt, for that specific situation, and use it to set an intention to move towards what we value instead, then we only need to feel that wave, not the whole ocean. 

What values do you want to move towards?

Knowing what we value and what we want to move towards can be more helpful than only looking at what we don't want to do or think. This is where resolutions could be helpful. What do you value and want to move towards? This could be things like a sense of community, closer relationships with family members, work that aligns more with your values, making time for specific activities. 

Look back to look forward

It can help to look at what you regret from the previous period, of a month, year or 5 years. The period doesn't matter so much, but what we regret can show us what we care about, as can envy. Envy is also a normal emotion that shows us what we would like more of in our life. Is there someone or something you feel envious of? As you think about this, what is it that you would like more of in your life? 

There is important information there about what you value now and would like more of in your life.

It could be that we are envious of someone who is on YouTube and seems to have a perfect house. We feel envy because our house is nothing like that and we really want a house like that. The envy is directing you towards valuing what your house looks like or how it makes you feel. How can you do something in your house that would make you feel good. Start small and do-able in order to move towards that value.

This sounds like a resolution. But it is about looking back to look forward, and importantly bringing it right back to the present moment and knowing where to direct your energy now. Not at the future, but on what you value right now.

Weekly Journaling

You could do this exercise as a journaling practice. Set yourself a timer for 7 minutes to free write/offload all of your thoughts about this. 

Then set the timer for another 7 minutes and focus down, notice your values, set intentions and any actions that you want to take over the next week - not the year - small actions over the next week.

I hope that you have a lovely restful Sunday and I will see you next week.

Bye for now,

Donna

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